whichiest | PENANCE IC INBOX

[ It's fine. HE will continue to type. ]

so first up. do you think i'm a shitty person?

What? No, of course I don't!

[She seems shocked that he'd even ask.]

You've been so wonderful!

[ These texts come in rapid succession, one after the next. Desperation at its finest!! ]

TY because like i don't think so either

but also i might have done something shitty. idk!

there's this girl i've been with for like a month now. and i asked her to marry me. and she said yes.

but then i was kind of chatting up with this other girl. it was NOTHING i swear, but my fiancee blew it all out of proportion

and now she's mad at me

and she won't answer my texts

idk what to do

she even sent me this.

[ He sends a picture of a bloody, blurry finger flipping off the camera. ]

why is she being so unfair?

[Okay, first of all, people need to stop sending her bloody pictures because doesn't understand how to get rid of them and they give her quite the shock! But once she's overcome that, and the message seem to stop coming in, she responds.]

Gosh, um, I've never had a romantic partner, so I don't know if I'm the best perspective. But, first of all, congratulations, that's so exciting!

[She wants to marry a man back home she's never even met before. She can't judge. They're all fucking stupid, here.]

It sounds like she might be feeling a little insecure. Maybe she needs you to remind her just how much of a priority she is to you? In person, if possible.

really? you think it's insecurity?

i mean i get that. i am a god, so like she might be worried someone would steal me away.

and i mean that other girl is cute and i like her

BUT monika's my fiancee and that should mean more

also wtf. why haven't you ever had a romantic partner?

if i have one then you should DEFINITELY have one

[ Belladonna's like a million times better than him. ]

That's all I can speculate, since I've never met her...but I mean, if I saw someone I was in love with flirting with someone else, I'd probably feel badly even with reassurances. Maybe you can get her flowers?

[Let's be real. If she had a partner who was flirting with someone else, she'd probably just think they were being a Nice Person. His question about her romantic life does fluster her, though.]

Oh, no, no, it's fine! I...I mean, it doesn't matter too much to me. I know I'm really unappealing as a person, so I'm just happy to have friends!

i can do flowers

but like jesus, belladonna

you're one of the fucking coolest people i know

you're super chill and pretty and like you got all these ambitious plans

to unleash your darkside

how fucking cool is that??

and you're giving me advice, too.

maybe WE should get married if things don't work out with monika

[ .....this is probably not helping. THIS IS PROBABLY DIGGING A DEEPER HOLE. ]

[Bella's face goes red, she's so embarrassed. There's all the compliments, and it's so nice and she's really sure they're totally unwarranted, and there's a man laughing somewhere in the background.]

That's really--that's so kind--

[She pauses, trying to hush whoever's in the room with her, before continuing to stammer on.]

I really wouldn't want to get between anyone! I'm sure the two of you will absolutely work things out!

[ That is SUS, Bella. He hears that laughter and assumes it's at his expense. Because everything is and always will be about him!! ]

are you making fun of me?

No, of course not, I'd never!

[There's a pause, and it seems like Belladonna has momentarily sequestered herself away from the voice.]

I would never make fun of you.

[She tries to sound as earnest as she can, because the notion horrifies her. That she'd do something so mean-spirited...well, that's not the kind of evil she admires!]

I'm sorry about that, I just had someone with me while I was talking, and he thought it was funny that I had such a reaction to your kind words. I just didn't know what to say, really!

[Going into a full whisper, she admits in what's practically a squeak:]

I only...only just dared to kiss a boy, you see, and it's all so much, I feel so embarrassed!

oh

[ Oh. ]

oh...

sorry. i'm not like cockblocking right now am i?

didn't mean to interrupt if you're busy

and wtg, belladonna 😉 hope he's hot AF

and that he treats you right

cause if not i got some meathead friends that can totally kick his ass

[Is it possible to be both happy and horrified at the same time? Because that's kind of where she is right now.]

Really--really, I wasn't busy at all, we're just spending some time together, and, um, we're just friends anyway?

[Honestly, she's not sure? It's a very confusing relationship. Izaya is a strange (manipulative) bastard.]

But thank you for thinking of me, even when I know you're having such a hard time right now. If you need any gifts that you can't get easily, I can probably conjure them? Like a heart-shaped box of chocolates, or...?

shit can you actually do that? conjure shit?

so could you do something really specific? like chocolates shaped like books?

and maybe even some romance quotes on them?

i think she'd like that.

[ Also....so very sorry, Bella, for the bullshit that's about to come out of his mouth. But he thinks he's being genuinely helpful here. ]

as for your guy

best way to see if he's into you is if he pops a boner when you grab his junk

it's how i knew i was into monika

Yes, I can, of course! I don't know if I can make them so detailed as you want them, but I have very little trouble conjuring items that are imbued with good intention!

[And they won't have aphro. Which...she at least, thinks is a good thing.]

I'll try a few things and see what I come up with and drop them off...

[She trails off as she receives the other messages, and as she makes a startled cry of virginal horror very audibly drops the phone. Still trying to squeak out some kind of modest protest, she fumbles and drops the phone again.

She's doing great!]

[ !! He hears that cry and clatter and his first thought is maybe she's getting murdered -- because surely it wouldn't be over their talk about boners. ]

belladonna?????

you ok???

hey answer me

dont make me call

i will if i have to

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